Most individuals diagnosed with sexual addiction would answer “yes” to many of the following questions:
* I have engaged in these behaviors more often or over a longer period of time than I intended.
* I have made unsuccessful efforts to stop, to reduce, or to control these sexual behaviors.
* I have continued these sexual behaviors despite their effect on my work, my relationship with my mate, with my family, or with my social responsibilities.
* I have kept secrets from my significant others or I have not told the truth about my sexual activities.
* I often feel shame about my sexual activities.
* I have spent money and time in support of my sexual activities that my spouse or significant other did not know about.
* I have engaged in one or more of the following: frequent masturbation, frequent viewing of on-line pornography, compulsive homosexual or heterosexual fantasies or relationships, using prostitutes, exhibitionism, voyeurism, unwanted molestation of another person; and I have kept secrets about any of the above activities.
Sex and Love Addiction:
Most individuals who are diagnosed with sex and love addiction would answer “yes” to many of the following questions:
* I am often physically present with my spouse or family, but I know that I am emotionally unavailable.
* I am not actively committed to my spouse and family.
* I display a certain selfishness in many of my decisions.
* I am often emotionally remote and do not often communicate about my feelings. Identifying and disclosing my feelings is rare.
* I am often more avoidant and controlling in my relationships than I will admit.
* I have had more than one extra-marital affair.
* I often have something like an adrenaline rush during the early stages of a romantic relationship.
Codependency:
Most individuals who are identified as being codependent with others would answer “yes” to many of the following questions:
* I will remain silent about my sadness or resentment in order to avoid hurting another person’s feelings.
* I am more loyal to others (to a fault) than I am to myself.
* I often let another person determine my choices.
* I sometimes “sell out” and keep the peace in order to avoid conflict.
* I am more likely to take care of others than I am to care for myself.
* Receiving praise or gifts is often difficult for me.
* I put aside my own feelings and preferences and usually do what others want.
* I accept sex when I want love.
* I have made excuses for other people and have protected them from responsibility.
* I probably have the “being helpful” disorder.
Golden Nuggets:
The following brief statements are drawn from the most current research about sex, love, happiness, and relationships:
* The best predictor of human happiness is having close family and social relationships.
* By the age of nine, most children have been exposed to internet pornography.
* When individuals marry before the age of 25, their divorce rate can be expected to be above 80 per cent.
* When older men have built close relationships with their immediate family and close friends, their cancer survival was increased to such an extent that the benefits of those relationships overrode the risks of cancer.
* Between the ages of 20 and 40, about seventy per cent of men go online to view pornography at least once each month. Men who can be emotionally isolated such as pastoral ministers are especially vulnerable to accessing online pornography.
* Enjoyable sexual relationships can promote health, reduce depression and stress, reduce pain for up to 12 hours, reduce medical costs, strengthen the marriage, and enrich and even extend life.
* Twenty years ago the major sexual complaints of couples were rapid ejaculation for men and absence of orgasms for women. Today, the largest number of couples in sex and marital therapy report low levels of sexual interest.
